Like An Old Friend
by greenbirdcries
Summary: Remus Lupin is dying. He couldn't be happier.


Remus Lupin is being haunted by his best friend. Only weeks after Harry and his friends leave to hunt for horcruxes, Remus sees him. A black, shaggy dog trotting down the busy street, looking for all the world to belong there. No one else seemed to notice the creature, though they all appear to avoid stepping on its tail or paws. Its eyes were nearly covered by furry eyebrows, but Remus was acutely aware when those bright yellow eyes found his own. He nearly drops the bags of groceries in his arms.

"Padfoot?" Remus takes a step towards the dog.

"Remus." Tonks nudges him, and while the touch is gentle for her, it is enough to completely jerk his attention away from the dog. She hands him another shopping bag. "Can you hold this while I run to the loo?" Remus attentively does so, his gaze returning to the spot where he last saw the dog, but it is gone. He scans the sea of legs and feet, looking for another flash of the familiar form. There is nothing.

When Tonks returns, he suppresses the urge to snap at her for dragging his attention away for even a moment. The anger he had felt during his argument with Harry has simmered down into a deep shame over his own actions, but his own guilt for bringing another monster into the world still leaves him snapping ready to fight. He is trapped, and it is his own doing.

That night, the air is thick with the tension brought by war. The radio blares static in preparation for the new radio programme, Potterwatch . Remus stares at the radio. His mind wanders, carried away by the white noise, wanders to the dog he saw today. His best friend has- had- a track record of doing the impossible. Had he escaped the veil with the same finesse he had prison?

There is a shattering sound, followed swiftly by a few choice words from his wife.

"Dora?" Remus yells, grabbing his wand. Her clumsiness has only increased during her pregnancy, but there was always the chance that Death Eaters have discovered their location. Tonks is in the kitchen, bending over to retrieve her wand which was surrounded by broken glass. Remus sees movement outside kitchen window, but cannot make out anything in the dusk.

"I'm fine," Tonks says shortly. Her face is pale, and one of her eyebrows has gone fuschia. It usually does when she lies. "I just wasn't paying attention."

Remus helps her up. By the time the glass has been repaired and he returns to the living room, Lee Jordan is on the air. He struggles to focus. Maybe the dog was simply a dog. Maybe the dog had not really been there at all.

Remus does not believe that.

The next time Remus sees the dog, it is bigger. If it were to stand beside Remus, its back would easily reach his waist, however the dog remains at a distance. He is sure it is the same dog. Remus is sitting alone outside. It is autumn and the air is crisp and haunting.

"Pads," he calls. "Come join me." The dog moves, and for a moment Remus is certain that the dog will. That it is Padfoot. Instead, it steps away, vanishing once more.

The large black dog returns again and again, becoming more voluminous with every visit. His shadow is as large as Remus himself. He always hovers in the periphery of Remus' vision, always silently vanishing when scrutinized. While Padfoot's visits are frequent, they remain brief. He never stays for more than a few seconds, as if to remind Remus that he is there.

After a while, Remus stops questioning it. He welcomes the dog like an old friend. He does not stop calling him Padfoot.

As her belly grows, so does Dora's irritation with him. He sees her building frustration with his ever present guilt, his reluctant to be near her, his consuming focus on anything that was not her. Remus feels obligated to stay, but sick at the thought of what he has done to Tonks. At what he has done to his child. With her pregnancy, they often are barred by the Order from participating in the dangerous feats that keep them both sane.

Ironically, seeing his dead friend's Animagus is the next best thing for Remus's sanity. As months pass, he begins to understand that even if his friend has somehow returned from the dead, it is not as a human. Still, he becomes accustomed to the dark, growing shadow that seems to shed everywhere. Tonks says nothing about the fur, and Remus wonders if she notices.

The mostly silent feud between Remus and Dora ends with Teddy's arrival. Their son is beautiful. It is Tonks who suggests Harry as the godfather, nearly demands it. Remus has no objections. Harry is no longer a boy. He is wise beyond his years, already wiser than Remus. If there is anyone who could keep their boy on the right path, it was Harry. Harry looks stunned when Remus asks him, and he must know just by looking at Remus what a grave mistake he had prevented him from making. Remus wonders if Harry knows how proud his parents and godfather would be of him.

When Remus returns home, it is late and Andromeda passes a stirring Teddy to him. Seeing his son, perfect from his blue hair to his ten toes, Remus has hope for the first time in a long time. He kisses his son's smooth head and promises him a better life, a better world. Remus holds his son and watches as Padfoot paces outside the house, keeping watch.

Padfoot becomes a near constant presence throughout April. He is enormous, crowding every room Remus enters. When Padfoot sits outside at night, his shadow extends beyond the house's. He becomes less of a companion and more of a warning. Remus still feels safer with him nearby.

On the second night of May, Remus is rocking Teddy. Tonks is taking the opportunity to shower and Padfoot is curled up at his feet, his back brushing the ceiling with every breath he takes. The dog is dozing, though he often lifts his head to give Remus an assessing look before returning to his stacked paws. When they receive word from Arthur Weasley that Hogwarts is under attack, Teddy is hastily passed off to Andromeda. She grips her daughter tightly before grabbing Remus as well and holding him close. She knows better than Remus what war means.

Hogwarts is overrun with all sorts of foul creatures. The west wing is on fire, and everywhere, everywhere there are people fighting. He loses sight of Tonks within minutes of arriving at the school.

"Dora!" Remus shouts, spinning around. He is standing the Great Hall, where a majority of the fight seems to be occuring. He stuns a Death Eater who had turned towards his direction at the sound of his shout.

She will be fine. She might be too clumsy for orderly domesticity, but in a battle, she is a force to be reckoned with. He knows this better than anyone.

Remus's jinx hits another Death Eater and then a third.

He is reaching the moments that he loves most about dueling, where his heart is pounding and he is so, so aware of everything around him. It is one of the few moments where his heightened senses are the result of adrenaline, not lycanthropy, and it is like a drug to him. He is alive, in ways that he has not been since the Marauders were by his side, since Sirius was by his side.

It is not a Death Eater that lunges next. One of Greyback's cronies is closing in now, his teeth sharp and bared. When their eyes meet, the man grins. Like Remus, his face, hands, and what is visible of his chest are covered in scars. Remus tightens his grip on his wand. His first spell misses.

The werewolf lunges at Remus with a growl. Even from a distance, he can see the dirt under long, sharp fingernails. He can see the filthy teeth that will rip into him if he shows a second of hesitation. With one deliberate flick of his wand, Remus knocks him back and blood spurts from the monster's head. Merlin have mercy on anyone who is willing to stand in his way, because Remus has none to offer.

It is then, in the din and confusion of dozens of people shouting curses, throwing punches, scrambling for escape, that Remus' attention is captured by the quiet panting and the warm breath on his shoulder He turns to see the enormous black dog who has been his near constant companion the past few weeks. Padfoot has swelled into a monster, twice as tall as Remus. He reaches out and brushes the shaggy fur. The dog is looking at him, and Remus isn't sure that this dog truly is Padfoot, or that this dog is even really here, but he is glad for its presence nonetheless. The dog tilts its head back and gives a low howl that seems to vibrate in Remus' bones.

Several heads jerk up, including Tonks, who Remus finally spots, standing some distance away. She looks in his direction, and somehow he knows that she can see the dog too. That the look of recognition on her face is not meant for him.

The stillness of the moment is shattered by a piercing scream. Bellatrix Lestrange is tearing through the room like a hurricane, leaving nothing but wreckage behind her. Remus spots a student, a Hufflepuff, in Bella's path of destruction. He lunges, casting a shield charm just strong enough to deflect Bella as she passes them by.

The student is young, much too young to be in a battle like this. His mouth is wide open in either terror or shock. Remus wastes no time. He casts a disillusion spell over the young boy and gives him a shove. "Get out of here," he says, already turning to face another attack.

It is then the curse hits him from behind. It knocks him to his knees, and it is only as he falls towards the ground that he registers what has happened. He is unsure what spell he was hit with, he only knows that breathing is painful. Knows that whatever he was hit with, it is bad. His wand is trapped under his body. One side of his face rests on the smooth stone of the Hogwarts floor, the other still exposed to the fight continuing around him. There are screams, though Remus is too dazed to place where they are coming from. Above him, probably.

Dolohov delicately steps around him, and Remus glares at the coward who is too scared to face another wizard in a proper duel. He spits curses after him, barely managing to speak, but Dolohov does not even acknowledge that he hears Remus. It is then that Remus knows that this is the end. Coward or not, Dolohov would not walk away from an opponent unless they had been completely and permanently disarmed.

Remus tries to take a breath, but manages little more than a shallow wheeze. He feels like he is being stabbed, over and over again while his lungs are on fire. Despite the pain, Remus feels a certain level of satisfaction to this ending. He has always known that he was going to die alone. From the terrible night that Greyback bit him, he has known. What else could a werewolf expect? His only wish now was that he knew that Tonks was safe, that their son would at least have his mother.

His gasping breath stirs up dust from the old flagstones and it settles across his face, in his eyes and mouth. His vision is cloudy, and he is pretty sure that oxygen deprivation is making him see double. There are dark shapes floating across his vision. Padfoot has come to say goodbye. He blinks rapidly and his vision begins to clear. And then he realizes it is no longer Padfoot sitting in front of him.

Sirius kneels beside him, reaches out to grasp his hand. "Moony," he says disapprovingly, and Remus swears he sounds exactly as he remembers, "What have you gotten yourself into?"

"Sirius?" Remus croaks. His vision blurs again as tears fill his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I stuck around for you," Sirius says simply. Remus is crying freely now. It has been so long. So goddamn long since he has seen the man in front of him. Sirius's face is unlined and full, his hair dark and healthy, his hands free of the nicks and tattoos accumulated in Azkaban. He looks so beautiful in front of him, and Remus is not breathing in anything but his own tears. Remus Lupin is dying, and he couldn't be happier.

Distantly, he can hear the continued to fight throughout the Great Hall, its occupants apparently oblivious to the reunion occuring at that moment. The commotion is enough to ground him for a moment longer, but he cannot get enough air to ask his questions. Is Harry here? Is he alive? Is Dora okay? Is Teddy?

"Harry is just fine," Sirius soothes, but does not elaborate. Like in life, Sirius's attempts to calm often did not produce the desired effect. Seeing Remus's horrified face, he quickly adds, "Teddy too." Remus notices that Sirius says nothing of Tonks, and he understands. "All is well," Sirius adds, uncharacteristically solemn. Remus feels himself slipping towards unconsciousness. His chest really fucking hurts. He manages to turn his more, allowing him to see Sirius with both eyes.

"It's time, Moony," Sirius says. He shifts into Padfoot, and turns towards Remus expectantly, tail wagging. Now Remus is sure that Padfoot is in fact the creature that has followed him for so many months, though now he is much smaller than the story-high beast of a few moments ago. His old friend is here, and Remus is ready.

His eyes slide shut, and he feels nothing.

When he opens his eyes again, the rest of the Great Hall is empty and silent. Sirius remains, a human once more. Remus stands, and as he does so he realizes that he too is human. Not just in that moment. He is no longer bound by cycles of the moon. He is not perfect, but he has forever to be made whole.

Sirius leads him home.


End file.
